Getting closer...

Things are coming in for our newest adoption. Everyone can now be reassured that we have not committed any crimes. Not here. Not there. Not anywhere. Not in a plane. Not on a boat.... The background checks are clearing now. After several pleas to have Aaron exempt from this requirement because of his inability to commit crimes and inability to be fingerprinted without pain, we found ourselves at the local jail with our son who obviously could not be a threat to anyone in society being fingerprinted. It was quite interesting to say the least..but the people at Sherburne County jail who now know us quite well because of the all the adoption fingerprinting we have done over the last year, were very helpful. Hands affected by cerebral palsy just don't cooperate with fingerprinting very well.
We are seeing a light at the end of this long tunnel. We are praying that Alabama could give us some ball park figure as to when we may be able to bring him home. We are hoping it will be in February but we are limited to our available childcare options here. It takes an incredible amount of planning to leave 5 children while taking 3 along with...children who needs specialized care and lots of back up plans. We are praying that the Alabama folks are open to seeing us as not just impatient parents to be, but understand the complexity of what they are asking us to do. We just need some dates so that we can plan.
The next big challenge that has left us far out on a limb has been trusting that the financial resources will come in so that we can complete this adoption. This is a private adoption through a Christian agency. Up to this point, we have spent $3000 on homestudy related costs, then there is child care and travel costs along with the placement fee to the Alabama agency. They are willing to reduce their fees because of the special needs of this little one, but we are still looking at around $10-$15,000 of costs. And that is just to bring him home! When he gets here, that is when the big costs will begin. He will require adaptive equipment and things that we don't have. We are out on a limb but still firmly rooted in the source of all of our sustenance.

We live on very limited resources. The Lord has always taken care of all 13 of us. He has not let us down. We do not have the resources to pay for this adoption. But, all along the way, we have felt an incredible sense of peace that He will take care of the financial end of this mission. We love the way God calls all of us to adoption...whether it be through adoption ourselves or supporting others who are called. If you are feeling a call to be a part of adoption--specifically this adoption--we would love to partner with you in standing for the right to life for every child...
Baby Ben has lost his birth family and then an adoptive family who brought him from the hospital but decided to let him go when he developed profound brain damage. It is time for him to come home for good...we want to be that home.
If you feel called to be a part of this miracle...there are a few ways you can do it. Our address is 20431 Meadowvale Rd NW Elk River MN 55330. Also, we expect that we will be able to work with the MICAH fund again to help support this adoption. You can send a tax deductible contribution to them and they will get it to us as well. Please email if you have any further questions. Your prayers have been evident along the way--we have felt God presence through this process..we appreciate your partnership with us through prayer!

Car Trouble and examining motives....

Twice this weekend, we piled everyone in the 15 passenger van to attempt to get where we were suppose to be. Twice, we ended up stranded alongside the road with a dead vehicle. We are thankful that it was only 20 degrees as opposed to subzero temps that we are accustomed to here in Minnesota. We are thankful that we were able to get the help that we needed without having to pile everyone out of the van in the cold. That would have been a nightmare. Even when the tow truck man came, he hooked up the van without us ever having to leave the cool, but not cold, interior.
And twice this weekend, I felt like there were lessons to be learned in our experiences. First, it reminded me of how thankful I am that we have our basic needs met...and that this fact does not have anything to do with us and who we are or what we have done. I don't want to be trite in my quick response to God's provision. I am so thankful that he has taken care of our needs...yes, but for those right now in Haiti who feel like God has lost sight of them, I will make no claim to understanding the whys and why nots of His ultimate plan. For our experiences and God's Word have taught us, that it is often those who have nothing to cling to except their Savior that see Jesus so much more clearly than those of us who live in comfort. And for this lesson I am thankful.
Today, as we were heading to Church, I was reminded of my human nature again so directly. I wanted to get to Church...I looked forward to worshiping with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I looked forward to hearing the portion of the sermon that was uninterrupted by the rhythmic humming of our son with autism. I was disappointed that we had missed our chance to get to Church because of car trouble yet again. But, I was reminded of the other things that bothered me about missing Church. I wanted to make it there so that kids made it to Sunday School and that the teachers would not think poorly of us because we had to miss another Sunday. I want people to see us as faithful, committed Christians--not the kind that only make it occasionally for whatever reason. I am so thankful that my behavior and motivation here on earth does not determine my future with our Lord. I would fail so miserably..at every turn. We all would...
I love the way that the Lord teaches us His lessons when we least expect them. He uses our life experiences to teach us in such unexpected ways. My prayer is that I would listen to His voice when He speaks in my life...that my ears would be open and my eyes be focused in His direction. I have so much to learn and He never stops teaching...

Nesting

Nesting is an amazing phenomenon. Waiting for a child to enter our home (he has already entered our family and our hearts) always triggers the nesting instinct. These past weeks, we finished up on the final details and that makes the waiting even harder. We have moved all the bedrooms around, painted, redirected and purged unnecessary things. We have rounded up some new outfits and other necessities--taking advantage of the super clearance deals that come around every January. I filed our taxes, completed the FAFSA paperwork, organized everybody's paperwork, prepared things way ahead of time so that when we get the go ahead, we can head to Alabama to pick up our little guy with out many unfinished tasks looming. I want our time to get to know little baby Ben to be uncluttered and precious.
But, I am realizing that the nesting phase has multiple functions. Being so busy, I didn't have time to focus on the waiting. Now that we are done with a lot of the tasks, the waiting seems to be overwhelming. I am feeling the anxiety of not having our little guy here with us. We have medical decisions to make but we don't know our little one yet. I just long to have him in our arms. It is his first birthday tomorrow. He is turning 1 surrounded by some incredible people who love him...but his family will not be there. I am focusing on the fact that, Lord willing, we will share all of his other birthdays with him.
So I am dragging today. Maybe it is just winter. Maybe it is longing for our little one. But, I have learned that identifying why I am feeling a certain way always helps me to cope better. I have decided it will be date week. It will be great to spend some one on one time with each of the kids before Benson arrives. Even Mark and I have a date evening planned next week. We don't know when we will get the call that all the paperwork is ready to go...but we will be ready--spiritually, emotionally and physically!

Looking for answers...

or...the MRI that wasn't. After getting a pre-op physical last week and spending a couple of hours getting Maisy ready to go under anesthesia for her MRI, we discovered that she can NEVER have an MRI because she has a Pacemaker. Yet another reason why it can be difficult to enter a child's world when we were not there from the beginning. Maisy has so much going on that not only us, but the geneticist that ordered the test, the pediatrician that did the pre op and the radiology nurse almost missed it. The information we have received about her pacemaker was complete but it is just not the same as it is when a child has a parent at their bedside hearing all the details and implications of a particular condition. We are so thankful that at the last minute, someone caught the mistake. It could have been tragic.

So, we are left with more questions than answers about the syndrome that might explain Maisy's medical issues. I really wanted to get an answer...to have the name of a syndrome that could give us a picture of what the future may hold for her. I am reminded that the kind of answers that I want will never be found here on earth. Her future is not in the hands of the doctors and the tests that we seek can only give us a piece to the puzzle that will not be completed in this life. The intricate details are laid out so clearly before our Father in Heaven. He knows. He cares. He is in control...and I am so thankful for that.

So, this interruption of plans and lack of answers at this time serves as a good reminder to me to hold on to the one who does have the answers...and he will give us the information that is needed in his own timing.

Sanctity of (ALL) life Sunday...

My favorite Sunday of the year is always the sanctity of life Sunday. It has always had special meaning for me for several reasons. The photo above is just one of them. Look at Aaron's arm firmly holding onto his sweet baby sister as she shared a ride with him at the waterpark this evening. Aaron, by the world's standards, has not much to "offer." He is deaf, visually impaired, can not walk, talk or eat. And yet, when his precious sister is placed on his lap, he makes sure that she is sitting there safely. He gently cradled her...and our hearts as one by one, stunned by the sight, were warmed beyond measure. Not only was it such a precious sight to see Aaron, but it was also so precious to watch the reactions of our 11, 13 and 15 year watching. Each one of them stopped to notice what had just happened. Each of them knew something that the casual observer did not. The value of life is measured in the moments that most others pass by on their way to finding "meaning" in this world. For it is in giving that we receive...and not only is it our joy to be able to serve those who are disabled, it is also our privilege to watch them serve others in unexpected and profound ways.

Never wanted to be proven wrong so much...

We are working to try and decipher the medical maze of information that may help us to find a diagnosis for what is going on with Maisy. If anyone has ideas, here is the list of her conditions: Heart defects (ASD, VSD, Coarctation of the Aorta, stents, pacemaker), Respiratory and airway issues including Laryngeal malacia requiring tracheostomy and mechanical ventilation), inuterog growth retardation, imperforate anus at birth, malrotation of the intestines, Craniosynostosis of the skull requiring multiple surgeries to correct, learning issues such as very short attention span, very delayed speech, etc...
The geneticist ordered an MRI for Monday to look for structural abnormalities of the brain. There are a few syndromes (Opitz GBBB or Pallister) that might fit. I really have a hunch it may be Opitz GBBB syndrome. Many of the same anomalies in kids with that syndrome seem to coincide with Maisy's. If there are abnormalities in the Corpus Collosum of the brain, then we will be able to narrow the diagnosis down.
Up until this point, I was pretty convinced that Maisy had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Maisy was born addicted to cocaine, heroine and marijuana in her system. Both birth parents are now in treatment for their drug issues. Maisy's birth dad has been emailing us and I am so thankful that we have an open relationship with him. He is a really nice guy with so much potential. I asked him to share as much information with us regarding alcohol usage during pregnancy. He wholeheartedly believes that Maisy was not exposed to alcohol. He freely admits that she was exposed to many other drugs, but he does not believe that birth mom was a drinker.
My skeptical mind would normally say...."sure...and if you were using lots of drugs would you even remember if you drank?" I would absolutely guess that FAS was a likely diagnosis. But my gut tells me differently this time. Although her learning issues and other clues would 100% give her a likely diagnosis of FAS, I think birth dad is being very honest in his assessment. Not that she is out of the woods regarding this diagnosis or that all the drugs were not a huge contributing factor, but I do have a hunch that we are going to find a genetic basis for all of her complex diagnoses.

I have never been so happy to be wrong about this one...but we will wait in see as things develop..

But for now, we are enjoying every minute with this absolutely sweet and wonderful girl!

These are the moments we imagined...

...when we dreamed of being parents. Our front yard makes a great sledding hill and the warm weather made the day just right. The wonderful, carefree family days when everyone is together and having a great time. So, our "perfect" moments involve some more work, but every moment is worth it.Kaden and Dad. I was the official photographer during the event..secretly I am afraid I will break something going down that hill...
Brennan has spent hours on the hill this winter.
It is so good for Jordan to get outside and burn off his extra energy.
Isn't this a great picture? Aaron and Nancy. I hesitate to call Nancy a personal care attendant because as you can see she is so much more than that--she is his friend (and ours!) and fierce advocate and she shares our vision that Aaron should not sit on the sidelines and watch life--he should meet it head on! He LOVED every minute of sledding..His mouth was open so wide while smiling that I am sure he swallowed a lot of snow!
Lisa and Elijah had a great time sledding. This was the first time down. Elijah loved it even though we weren't sure at first. Every time they would get down the hill, he would cry and then would say "go down again." Lisa is Elijah's nurse and once again, that simply doesn't describe what she really is to our family...she is amazing and her work exemplifies what Jesus has called us to do... to serve the least of these. It warms my heart every time Lisa comes and I hear Elijah's excitement when he yells, "Hi, Yisa!."