I am fighting a case of the "what if's..." today. I have a room dotted with "pink." Pink pajamas, beautiful pink outfits, a pink and brown comforter set...I definitely have a case of "nesting" really bad. You would think that after 9+ times of waiting for a child to come, we would be used to this. Thankfully, we don't ever get used to it. Each new life that joins our family brings it with a new sense of excitement and wonder and joy and fear....unique to that child.
Nakia is "scheduled" to move in to our home in one week. Just like I shared in my last post, our plans and God's plans are not always the same. I am scared to believe that it is really going to happen. I have to go ahead with the planning and I don't want my fear to rob us of the joy we feel as we add this precious child to our family. But, I am afraid. What if something happens to her? What if she dies before she is scheduled to move in? Nakia has an "unknown neurodegenerative disorder." That means that no one knows what her future holds for her...(and you don't need a neurodegenerative disorder for that to be true...)
We lost Dominic in September. He was 13 months old and was ready to move in to our home. We were just getting ready to leave to go to the hospital for a discharge meeting and we received a call that Dominic had gone into respiratory distress and in the PICU. We spent two weeks with him until the birthparents made the decision to release him to heaven. We have reason to be asking "What if..." We have faced the reality of what can happen many times.
Lord willing, we will be welcoming another little girl into our home---we have already welcomed her into our hearts.
There is a gift in parenting children with special health concerns. You never forget that God holds the future and that each day is a gift from Him. I am praying tonight that we would not be plagued by fear, and that we would be able to wholeheartedly trust that God's Will be done in Nakia's life.
We are so excited to welcome a little girl into our home...The only "what if.." question I want to be asking myself is "What if she doesn't like pink?"
Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)