How do we get to the morning? to the sunshine, to the joy?
There is only one way. By waiting for it.
We can't hurry the dawn.
No matter how anxiously we pace
the floor, how impatiently we watch the
And so the question is not
do we wait
or not wait, because waiting is all we can do. The question is,
How will we wait?
Will we wait well...or will we wait poorly?
I am amazed how God teaches us the lessons that we need to learn just when we need to learn them. I so needed a lesson on patience. As we wait not so patiently to add a child to our family, we have been given a lesson on waiting...
When we are waiting, I easily get "stuck." I just want to stay so busy that I don't notice that I am waiting. I like to block out all of the uncertainty of our lives...not knowing what our future will hold. As much as I think of myself as a flexible kind of person, I do like to know what my life is going to look like in the short run. I don't like to fly by the seat of my pants when it comes to life..I like to live purposefully. And a purposeful life requires some planning and preparation. I am talking about simple things--like vacations, future ministry opportunities, and plans for staff needs so that we can do the things we want to accomplish in life. As parents, we have dreams and goals that we want to work toward and those things just don't happen with out some thought.
There is such huge variety of "special needs" in the types of kids that we are open to adopt. Most likely, the child we will add to our family will come with medical equipment, nursing services, and a wheelchair. Kids with these kinds of needs take lots of planning to add to a busy family life. That is reality but it has also been my excuse for my lack of trust in God's perfect timing.
You see, there are times in life, where I can place all of my needs, my longings and my struggles safely in the hands of God. Those times of sweet dependence of Him are cherished. And then are those times, unfortunately most of the time, that I am willing to give most of my life to him. I hold back just one area that I am afraid to give up control of...isn't that amazingly silly to think that I could take care of something better than God can? But my fear takes over and I am afraid to give it all... My own behavior reminds me of my child who has attachment issues. Even though I tell Jordan that we are his parents will take care of all of his needs, he can not believe that as much as he wants to. He still feels he needs to hoard food and steal things that give him the some sense of security that he can only trust himself to take care of his needs. He has been let down by those who were suppose to take care of him and he is afraid to trust again.
And so it is with me. there are days when I am afraid to give it all...I am afraid of where God will take me if I surrender it all to Him...even though I have seen his faithfulness and I know of his unending love for me.
When I came across the quote above about "waiting well," it was like those words jumped off the page and whacked me in the head. I knew clearly that quote was for me as we wait for our little one to come. God is calling me to wait well...He is calling me to trust him totally and not to keep playing this game of tug of war with the parts of my life I am afraid to hand over.
It is my desire to wait with intention....to life fully for Him even as I wait. Wow, with all the time I spend waiting for something, there is so much potential if I see waiting as an opportunity and not as a burden. I am ready to give it all and I know that I will not be disappointed. I will not doubt God's timing..He knows what He is doing---He has proven that to me over and over..and yet I doubt. I am more like my kids than I realize...
I am thankful that God does not easily lose patience with us as he continues His work in us... to be reminded that God is still working on us is such a blessing.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
at 8:25 PM