Happy Birthday my sweet son...

Kaden turned 5 on May 31st. He begged me not to invite his friends to a party. His FASD steals his ability to handle too much overstimulation that birthday parties create. When he was two, he sat on the steps in the garage and ate his birthday cake with no one else around. At 5, he just wanted to stay home and open presents. We decided to push him a bit out of his comfort zone and we brought the whole family (including Maisy)to the Alien restaurant to celebrate. It was Maisy's first trip that didn't include a doctors visit--her first time at a restaurant..

Kaden had a great birthday. He was so happy to have the wait finally over. And as long as he had presents that had something to do with Thomas the Tank Engine, all was well with the world.

Kaden is such a beautiful little boy...he has a heart warming smile, a contagious giggle, and a big heart. He could teach the class on being a great big brother--each morning racing into Elijah and Maisy's room to say good morning..okay, so that does wake them up because he is a bundle of energy at 6 am (I think we will leave that little maneuver out of the official "how to be the best big brother manual for the sake of tired Mom's and Dad's everywhere...)

What a ray of sunshine Kaden is...we are so thankful to have him in our lives....

Autism speaks...

...and I don't like what it has to say. From the day Elijah came to our house, I could see the autism that effects him. We worked tirelessly to try and build the skills he needed to overcome some of the issues that had the potential of developing. We did so well that many professionals didn't see what I knew was there. And now Elijah is 3 1/2 years old. His autism has become very apparent and I am grieving again.

There is no question that Eljah is unbelievably smart in many areas. He can put in order from smallest to largest numbers like 21, 36, 57, 79, and 93. He sang his first song last week...."happy birthday" recognizable by only the closest of those around him. We rejoice with him, but we can not cheer or say "yay" because his autism steps in and he falls apart at any praise. He is a runner..never feeling "lost" when he can't find us nearby..never responding when we frantically call his name.

He is slipping away in many ways...I am scared and sad. He doesn't seem to respond as readily as he used to when others are in the room. He flaps and moves to the music that only he can hear. He is so precious and sweet..why Lord does he have to add autism to his list of disabling conditions? Why, Lord, do we?

I am grieving for today..tomorrow I will pick myself up and start working again to create the best life that he can have despite his many struggles.

For today, I will remind myself that I knew the moment I met this little baby boy at the hospital, that he was meant to be ours...because of his autism, he needed us even more than we had even imagined back then...or should I say because of his autism, we need the strength and wisdom that we can only get from our Lord...

Lord, please quiet the loud cry of the autism so that we can hear you speak and we can focus again on your perfect provision.