God's perfect timing has been so evident this week in so many ways. It is "Orphan Sunday" today. It is National Adoption Month. This is the week that God had chosen for us to finalize Maisy's adoption. It was so meant to be....a powerful testimony. All the details of our adoptions have unfolded before us with such attention to detail...God has so often laid his plans clearly before us in even the little things. We were so thrilled to see that the same judge that oversaw Maisy's case from the beginning just "happened" to be the Judge working on the Thursday we were set to finalize. We know that was no coincidence.
Religion that is pure and undefiled
before God, the Father, is this:
to visit orphans and widows
in their affliction . . .
It is easy to see God's perfect timing when the plans that God has for us line up with our own desires. But what happens when the adoption plans fall through or a child dies before his adoption can take place? Both of these scenarios have happened to us....more than once. Can we accept that God's timing is still perfect when things do not go as we had thought they should?
I want to be that kind of a follower of Jesus...finding His hand in all things...not just when things seem to go our way..
We are in the midst of making another decision about the adoption of an orphan...a beautiful, fragile little one.
My minds floods with the what if's again?. If we adopt another fragile child, what if one of us gets ill? or dies? At 46 and living with diabetes for 25 years, am we acting irresponsibly by adding another child to our family? Can one of us take care of all of the children alone? When we do die, are we leaving too difficult a responsibility on our other children?
Can or will my Church family who have like minded hearts be able to support us and help us if we are in need of help..
As a large, complex family, we find it very hard to find time to connect with other families at Church---what small group can we attend? There is no time to talk with other people at Church when we are so busy counting heads to make sure we haven't lost someone. We long to make connections with others at church, but our life right now is not very conducive to that. We barely make it to Church on time and we don't learn our memory verses like we should. We are three children behind in baby dedications right now! It is difficult to line up several people to watch all of the children on a Saturday morning to be able to attend the class that is required. Maybe that is a sign we have are hands full enough? I wish I knew...
And then there is my pride...I look around and think that people at Church don't know that we were involved members..we always made it to Church on time and we made it faithfully to midweek services..that we used to teach Sunday School, host a small group and that we used to be on staff at our former Church...we were one of them...not just a casual observer of the faith. This life can be humbling! Isn't that so ridiculous how all of that still matters...when our life chasing these little ones should be enough testimony of our life? Oh, how pride longs to take over..
So, I go back to one consideration...the only consideration that matters. Is God calling us to walk this path of adoption again? Do we both feel his undeniable presence in the midst of this decision? The path I want to be walking on is the one that they Lord has laid before us...not the one that is more appealing to the world, but the one, bumps and potholes and all, that was made for us....please pray for us as we seek God's direction....