It has always been my desire to live a full life...one that at the end of a day, all I have to give has been given and when my head hits the pillow, I'm so exhausted that I don't lose a minute of sleep. These past days, we have been so incredibly busy. Well, I guess that could be said about the last 20 years or so...but particularly the last six months. I think it is a combination of age and complexity of the needs of our children, but lack of sleep really takes a toll on us these days.
We have had an unexpected glitch in our nursing schedule for Maisy. She requires 24 hour complex nursing care and we have been providing that care at least 12 hours a day lately. Looking into December, I counted 26 unfilled shifts that we will cover...and that doesn't take into consideration sick days or other days that the few nurses we have left can cover.
With the sleep disorders that accompany many of the kids FASD, we are accustomed to little or interrupted sleep. With Aaron sleeping in an oxygen tent, Elijah needing middle of the night nebs, Kaden attempting to eat pop tarts, yogurts and what ever he can get his hands on all night long, we are up and down all night long. But, staying up all night to provide nursing care as well as being alert enough to handle a life threatening emergency is another story.
So today, we are tired...really tired. Things have been calm around here and the kids have been so cooperative and helpful. We are so thankful for that. We had a nice thanksgiving although you won't see any pictures of the event because we are just focusing on the basics of life right now.
We have everything to be thankful for. But, when I am tired, I start to look around instead of up. I look at others who can update their blogs regularly and with some level of positivity. I look at others who are able to expand their ministries in amazing ways. I start to feel jealous at the fruitful ministries of those around me.. Isn't that ridiculous? I don't feel jealous of those standing in lines on black friday chasing after something that is temporal. It is those who have a vital ministry that is fueled by Jesus Christ alone. Even more ridiculous...
I just want to look to Jesus for my strength and direction. This song by Larnelle Harris, "I miss my time with you" plays in my mind a lot. It speaks of being so busy trying to serve Jesus Christ, that we neglect to set aside that intimate time of just "being" with our Savior. I never want to be serving Him when all along I was serving myself because of pride or fear....
I want my life to be driven by the energy that only comes from our Savior. I want my life to reflect the light that comes only from Him. Instead of rambling on, I am going to go spend some time with my precious Lord. I know that when I get some sleep and some time with my Lord, I can begin again to look only up and not around..........
