...why do I set myself up? I forget every year how bad FAS behavior can get when there are changes going on in all environments. There is no way to avoid what Christmas brings with it and I have watched three of my FAS kids fall apart in one way or another. One had three wetting accidents in kindergarten before 9:30 am in the morning. Another seems to completely have shut her brain off and neglected all schoolwork (of course, that could be related to her obsession with the new boy in school.) And then, the one whose behaviors can not be ignored by anyone....because they effect everyone in the whole neighborhood...
Our 7th grader has lost it. He is screaming, talking back, raging, wrecking things and creating havoc of the peace I had imagined for Christmas. In the middle of the night, he was up and decided to try and make muddy buddies out of chex cereal. He is not capable of reading a recipe by himself. I woke up to a once clean kitchen, looking like a tornado had struck...with melted chocolate chips, powdered sugar and peanut butter everywhere. The muddy buddies had long been thrown in the garbage and all the ingredients I had purchased were used up.
I always do better if I anticipate the bumps in the road. This time I let it take me by surprise. My reactions to these behaviors are not pretty and I find myself taking the behaviors personally--always a big mistake. I need to get my bearings, regroup and remember that my escalation of emotion is not helping the situation at all.
These last few weeks, I have had just enough energy to handle all that needs to get done to maintain in life. Laundry, dishes, educational issues, medical appts--but I have nothing much left for the unexpected (brain surgery, a new adoption, or trashed kitchen.)
This morning, I just want Christmas to be over. That is what I call a red flag. I think I am going to lock myself in my bedroom (away from the 13 people in my house right now) and spend some time reminding myself of the incredible wonder and glorious impact of the incarnation. That ought to put things back into perspective for me. Time for me to slow down enough to hear that small still voice...that has been blocked by the chaos.