My kids have lots of "stuck" moments. They get stuck on a negative thought, an obsession for something they can't have or a sadness they can not shake. Usually the perseveration turns into screaming, crying or other uncontrolled reactions. And then I tell them to "bounce back and make a fresh start."
McKenna is a prime example of this behavior. At least once a day, she is reduced to a puddle of tears because she misses some dead relative that she barely knew. But it doesn't take death to elicit these reactions from her, just not being able to run an errand will cause her to melt down. And when she is done freaking out, she often feels very bad. Afterwards, to shake her out of the "I feel bad because I was being naughty" obsession, I ask her, "But did you bounce back?" and when she can be reassured that she has calmed down and was starting over, then we can usually go on with life.
I need a "bounce back" moment. Kaden and Elijah are not sleeping much at all through the night--Elijah is waking up terrified and having difficulty getting back to sleep. Kaden's sleep disorder is out of control right now and we are getting old. We are so tired. And when exhaustion hits, the slightest of things sets me off into my own perseverative moment. I look farther ahead in my life and feel such fear for the future of our kids. They have so much to learn and their faith needs to be deepened so much before they are left facing the world on their own two feet. I get overwhelmed and fearful for the decisions that they may make. I'm perseverating...big time...
And so, I think I need to bounce back and move on from this negative perspective I am allowing myself to get stuck on...with the future that I have no control over anyways.
And what if? What if my kids ultimatley don't make the choices that I dreamed for them to make? Does it mean that we should have not made the decision to adopt these kids out of a future that was certain to have led to wrong choices? Did we adopt them to "save" them? Or did we adopt them because God was calling us to that decision? They're His kids --not ours. And I must place them back firmly in His hands...and we will walk steadfastly on serving Him as best we can. Today will be a bounce back day...
