Nesting is an amazing phenomenon. Waiting for a child to enter our home (he has already entered our family and our hearts) always triggers the nesting instinct. These past weeks, we finished up on the final details and that makes the waiting even harder. We have moved all the bedrooms around, painted, redirected and purged unnecessary things. We have rounded up some new outfits and other necessities--taking advantage of the super clearance deals that come around every January. I filed our taxes, completed the FAFSA paperwork, organized everybody's paperwork, prepared things way ahead of time so that when we get the go ahead, we can head to Alabama to pick up our little guy with out many unfinished tasks looming. I want our time to get to know little baby Ben to be uncluttered and precious.
But, I am realizing that the nesting phase has multiple functions. Being so busy, I didn't have time to focus on the waiting. Now that we are done with a lot of the tasks, the waiting seems to be overwhelming. I am feeling the anxiety of not having our little guy here with us. We have medical decisions to make but we don't know our little one yet. I just long to have him in our arms. It is his first birthday tomorrow. He is turning 1 surrounded by some incredible people who love him...but his family will not be there. I am focusing on the fact that, Lord willing, we will share all of his other birthdays with him.
So I am dragging today. Maybe it is just winter. Maybe it is longing for our little one. But, I have learned that identifying why I am feeling a certain way always helps me to cope better. I have decided it will be date week. It will be great to spend some one on one time with each of the kids before Benson arrives. Even Mark and I have a date evening planned next week. We don't know when we will get the call that all the paperwork is ready to go...but we will be ready--spiritually, emotionally and physically!