Do you do this?

I have been thinking about my last post...wishing I had done more or just said more for my brother in law and his family as he was dying of cancer...It really made me aware of the running list I keep going in my head at times:

The things I am not doing:
I am not staying in contact with people I hold dear.
I am not getting thank you notes out to people who deserve to be thanked.
I am not reaching out to my neighbors.
I am not finding time to email  or call my friends...my family..
I am not working on reading skills with Kaden like I should be...
I am not writing letters to birthparents like I am suppose to..
I am not reading the Bible as much as I would like to be..
Our family devotion time is not as it should be..
I have a yucky, messy garage...
I am not getting over to the Y like I should..
I have kids that need OT, PT and Speech evals..I haven't done it yet..

The list could go on and on..How silly!! Why do I burden myself with all that isn't getting done? Instead of motivating myself to get some of these things done, this list just weighs me down and overwhelms me.

My goal is going to be that every time I find myself adding to this mental list of shoulds, I will instead, offer this list up to God...asking that he prioritize the list for me and that he will help me to let go of the unimportant and highlight that which he wants me to do. It is time for me to get back into living in the moment with my eyes set upon the eternal. How arrogant it would be to think that I must do it all...

I hate goodbyes...

I have never been very good at goodbyes...I would rather sneak out the back door than deal with an awkward goodbye. I don't know why...I've hated them for as long as I can remember. Today, my brother in law died...he took his last breaths on this earth at 12:20 pm surrounded by his wife and children. 'He has been fighting the effects of lung cancer for several years now...and I never said goodbye. I avoided it. I wish I hadn't.
Last fall, we hosted a "bill-a-bration." It was our way of letting Bill know that we loved him and that his family was right beside him in his battle with cancer. We didn't want it to be the beginning of saying goodbye..but it many ways it was.

I don't think I ever saw Bill without a cup of coffee in his hand. We made mugs with his picture on it. We threw a party. And now in a few days, we will be gathering together again in Bill's honor. I wish I had been  there more for my sister and my nieces and nephew. I wish there was more I could have done to support them.
In many ways, that is the casualty of having created such a big family with so many needs. I have not been able to be there in times when I wish I could have been.  The lesson I have been trying to teach the kids lately is that saying "yes" to one thing means saying "no" to another. I have tried to share the importance of really weighing out decisions and living with those decisions once they have been made. And, I too, need to remember those lessons...and graciously accept the decisions I have made and the opportunities I may have missed because of the "yes-es" I have uttered. 

I am so thankful that Bill's family does have so many people surrounding them with support and love. May they feel the presence of God lift them up as they learn to live without him hear on earth.

So, if you drink coffee, have a cup for Bill...and say a prayer for his family--Kathy, Sean, Shannon (and Brian) and Katy.... We will all miss you Bill...