Thursday, November 18, 2010
A group of Moms connected by only one thing...our quirky (and sometimes scary), wonderful kids. Most with more diagnoses than you can imagine. All of us with hysterical, heartwarming stories about our kids that would make you laugh so hard you could hardly stand it. And if others who didn't live our life overheard our conversation, it would be us that I am sure would be called "crazy." We speak a language that only those who are part of this "club" can understand. We can be free to share our journeys without fear of judgment, or worse yet...without fear of others running far away from us because our stories make them so uncomfortable. It's like a secret handshake...and it makes us uniquely able to share each others burdens and celebrate each others joys.
In the beginning, that ticket in to this club was worn as a chip on my shoulder..but over time I have learned that there is no virtue in holding so tightly to the pain as if ours is a burden so much heavier, so different than others. I was sure, that if someone was not walking on this path with me, that they could have no idea of what it was like to suffer, to struggle. How ridiculous and self defeating that was. I shut people out, I didn't listen to their struggles..because I was focused on my own. How easy that was to do in the beginning. But now, my eyes see through lenses that are smeared and a bit blurry from the tears. But it is through those tear stained lenses that allow me to see the hurt behind the smiles...the struggles beyond the beautifully staged family portraits. It is never quite as it seems when we just look on the surface. We are all just people..sinners saved by grace. Just as the Mom's that sat together and talked and laughed, no one would know the depth of struggle that lies under the surface if they didn't take the time to really listen. How thankful I have had friends along the way that have not allowed our conversation to just stop on the surface, but were willing to pull up a chair, and ask the deeper questions...and listen to the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The love for the kids represented by this group of Moms is fierce. It has to be. Our commitment has been tested more than you can imagine. I thought I knew what it meant to have such a fierce love when I began on this road. But after 18 years of forging through the forest and scaling the mountains, I now realize that I had no idea how that love would be refined...how fierce my love and commitment would become...and I thank God for that...as much as I begged to know what my future would hold (I don't like surprises), He graciously gave me a glimpse of the future in little increments and mercy and grace in abundance ....exactly what he knew I needed at the moment I needed it. He always knows best...
and I am so thankful that I have moms out there to share this journey with. Together, we have been able to point each other to see the unexpected beauty that God has given us each step of the way..
at 11:01 PM