I wanted to capture the perfect photo of Elijah on his 5th birthday....
I wanted the lighting to be just right...
I wanted the essence of my sweet, precious boy to be captured forever..
I wanted his eyes to sparkle and be that window into his soul...
But, I couldn't find the autism setting on my camera.
It wasn't there...there was no setting to capture the perfect shot between the constant moving, the arm flapping, the obsessive chewing on the tongue, the worried look that fills his face so quickly...there was no setting for that on my camera.
I have been looking at other people's blogs lately...photography blogs...the photo I was looking for was on their sites...I started out frustrated and sad...residual grief...for the boy that could have been if it were not for the autism, the Shwachman Diamond, the XYY syndrome. Here I go again, looking around and not up.
But, then as God does, I was reminded not so subtle-ly that I have been given a gift far greater than any other...because it was hand selected for me by my Father.
I can't help but think of how I would have felt if one of my children had acted this way. Knowing that they had wanted a special gift for a long time...then carefully selecting just the right one for them..only to have them open it with disappointment...wishing that they had been given something some one else had received. How quickly I had become that child...so hard to please, so unwilling to trust that my parent knew what was just what I needed.
But then, instead of removing Himself from me in my frustration, God graciously continued to give me another chance at getting this moment right...the gift of a much bigger vision of this situation. He did not punish me or walk away...he instead used my precious, incredible gift to set me straight.
As I was taking the photos, worrying about the light and wishing that Elijah would give me some eye contact, Elijah picked up his Bible and began to read. Humbling huh..."Put the book down, I am trying to take your picture" was my first thought. But then the magic of the moment unfolded. Every time I hear him read, I get chills.... even immeasurably more when they are reading Scripture....and to be just turning 5 and reading Scripture...that is something priceless. He has been given such amazing gifts..gifts that make people stop in their tracks to sit and listen. But it was what he began to read, that made my heart swell with emotion. He began to read the story of Naomi and Ruth as if he were speaking right to me.
Naomi told Ruth "Go back to your mother and father," But Ruth said, "Please take me with you. I will go where you go. I will stay where you stay. Your people will be my people. Your God will be my God."I will take you where ever I go, sweet Elijah...where ever I go...
I am pretty sure that I am just about the luckiest Mom in the world to have been given such a beautiful, incredible son...autism and all. His 5 years have been filled with a lifetime of struggles. And God has not been silent through any moment of his journey..he continues to use this little boy...my little boy... to proclaim His message..come to me as a little child and you shall inherit the kingdom of God.
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| (Elijah is reading to Kaden..even though it may look like the other way around) |
