The middle child...

 

In a large family like ours, there are lots of middle kids. In Brennan's case, he is a mix of the baby of the family and also the exact middle of the bunch. Brennan was 6 years old when Kaden came along and so he really functions as more of a baby of the family than the middle. But, there are characteristics of both roles displayed in his personality. We spent the day together today along with Miss Maisy. He is going to Wolf Ridge Environmental camp with his 6th grade class this upcoming week. The list of what to bring seems to keep growing and gets more and more expensive every year. So off we went to the store to get the last minute items he needed on his list.

I was reminded quickly that even though we work hard to spend one on one time with the kids, that this past year has been a whirlwind for everyone. We have not spent as much one on one time as we would like to think we do. I realized today that I miss my son..the one who doesn't necessarily hop in the car with me when I am running errands...the one who would rather play video games than board games and tries to spend time  with friends who have things we do not...like 4 wheelers, dirt bikes, and other fun outdoor speed machines. I forgot what a sensitive and smart young man he is...how thoughtful and and insightful he can be. It was a great day with him.

We were finishing off our day with a quick run into Kohl's...as we went by the ornaments by the Christmas display, Brennan noticed one that said "middle child" on it. I reminded him that he was the exact middle of our family with 5 older siblings and 5 younger ones. He wasn't just a middle child but THE middle child. As he thought about it awhile, he said

"That's cool...I have 5 to support me and 5 to teach."

Those words touched my heart in ways you can not imagine. This year has been a struggle and now as I am coming out of the fog, I am realizing that so much of the behaviors we have been dealing with have been as a result of the intensity of our lives...the lack of sleep that we have had as parents and the loss of intentional, focused parenting that we used to put into practice. Our children need us to get back on track...they just need us more. To really listen..to be fully invested their lives and not just when we are rushing from medical emergencies to therapy appointments. They need us to stop moving and just be for awhile.

And so in the midst of our parenting this year that has been less than stellar, God has taken over in our weakness...and he has sustained our family. Brennan's words--five siblings to support me and five siblings to teach...that is a beautiful picture of what I  have always dreamed our family would be...a place where each of the children would feel supported by one another...and a place where they feel as if God is using them fully as they teach and guide the little ones that are growing under the protective wings of their older brothers and sisters. Yet, another reason why I love my big family.

Whose birthday is it, anyway?

Those words are cropping up all over...but they be just another slogan for a month long sermon series in the month of December...or will we as Christians really examine our hearts and allow God to show us what it is that must change if we truly want to live differently. I can't shake that statement from my mind. I have tried to let it go...but God is not letting the message I so need to hear go unheard. We have kids at all stages of life...some are going to handle the changes better than others. A few are going to have a rough time when they hear the news.... Christmas is going to be about something so much more than us this year.

We have always said that each child would receive three presents because that is how many Jesus received. But, that number grew as the clearance sales started earlier and earlier. It wasn't intentional...that was the problem. So the lessons that we didn't want to instill in our children got missed...because we lost our intentionality in all the hype of the season.

Many of the kids are getting excited about sharing the money that would have gone to gifts. Some are going to have a much harder time with letting go of all the stuff of Christmas.  We  have been thinking of creative ways to give in our community as well as helping to build the school for the kids in Kenya. Early in our marriage, Mark and I decided that we wouldn't exchange gifts. Instead, we would each use a predetermined amount of money and find creative ways to give it away...on Christmas eve, we  then share with the family how we spent the money. Each year, we tried to spend our money in different ways...sometimes giving it away randomly, sometimes purchasing items and donating them..and sometimes it was clear that a friend or family member was in need.  It has been such a fun way to show the kids how much joy comes from giving...and that there are so many ways to give. The last few years, we have let that tradition fall by the wayside because we have been just hanging on by a thread...surviving. We are getting back on track and this will be a great tradition to rekindle.

 Their are traditions that help us to teach and to celebrate what is truly important. But the special dishes, the decorations,  the cookies, the events we attend...many of the traditions that I see, seem to create stress and distraction from the true celebration...I just want Christmas to be about Jesus and what it is He would want us to do for His birthday--and it certainly doesn't have anything to do with most of the "tradition" that fills our time. It's all about the hope and promise of a Savior born in a stable...a dirty, messy stable. It is all about reaching out to the world and sharing the promises of our Savior...

So, we are going to focus this season, on being much more intentional in our parenting.  We just want most anything we do at Christmastime to point to the manger and ultimately to the cross. My heart's desire is to raise children that have a heart of gratitude for what they have been given and a spirit of compassion for those who have so little. Modeling contentment and sacrificial giving will be our first steps...and we have a long way to go.