If you play it safe in life then that is what you will get. safe. not satisfying. not amazing. not joyful. Just safe. and even then, safe will not always be yours because that is how you expected it to turn out. Going on a vacation, are we satisfied with a vacation that was safe or do would we be disappointed if that is all we could say about it? I think we long for so much more...we are wired that way. If you play it safe, you will be disappointed. It is all a part of the incredible paradox.
Only when I have suffered, have I truly had my eyes opened to God's unsurpassing compassion and love. And I suspect that only a small part of his beauty that is reflected on us has been revealed to me. I still must close many doors to myself and to set aside fear and lack of faith to be willing to open the doors that lead me to Him..only then may I see more of his kindness and goodness...and I will not be disappointed.
Only when I have lost it all, have I found gain. When there is no one or nothing left to rely on but my Savior alone...when not even my closest friend here on earth is available to take my call...I can rejoice in the reality that He is so much more than enough...way more than I ever could have imagined.
Only when I have stopped trying to make others see how good I am...how amazing my sacrifice...how creative and organized I am...have I looked within and found only a sinner who couldn't possibly save myself if I tried. Only when I lay my foolishness and selfish heart before Jesus, can I truly see my need for a Savior...the more I see my need, the more I grieve my sin and the more incredible my Saviour shines before my eyes....and the more I want to share Him with others.
The weaker I am, the stronger he is.
The more humbled I am, the more I can boast of His greatness.
Only when I have nothing left to give, I see that he has everything to give.
Piece by piece, each broken, crushed piece of me...has been replaced by a new understanding of God and his attributes. I am pretty certain I have only seen a glimpse of what is to come. I am not interested in playing it safe...I want to learn more, rely more and share more of the graciousness and provision He shows me everyday.
It is Christmas in a couple of days. This evening, I am sitting here with my precious little Isaac next to me. His body is trembling and jerking. His heart rate is rising and his cheeks are flushed...is it a seizure, is it painful, is it a sign of things to come for him? As I carefully but awkwardly pick him up...his head still floppy and his body stiff. I want him to know that I am here to comfort him. And as I hold him in my arms, he looks up at me with the most beautiful eyes...he looks at me with such love and joy and he smiles...the kind of smile that puts life into perspective...the kind of smile that makes me believe that God has a special relationship with my little boy. And after all, Isaac is completely dependent. He can barely move his body. He can do nothing to save himself..if he flops over in bed, he can not prop himself back up or protect his airway...he can not stop the seizures from coming nor can he do anything to add a day to his life. He is completely dependent on us as his caregivers...and it is only when I am completely dependent on the one who cares for me, are my eyes opened to true beauty, extraordinary compassion, and profound truth that is found only in Him. Yes, I think God has shared glimpses of Himself to Isaac in ways that I may never know.