Truth be told, I feel awkward about celebrating Mother's day. As Mom to 11 children...and only the first (and only) Mom to two of those eleven, my thoughts are with the 8 other Mom's out there who have said goodbye to their children...who feel a hole in their heart on Mother's day.
The first Moms club... no one wants to join that club--they just wanted to be "mom"...most enter kicking and screaming...nearly all enter with feelings of grief and loss. Some have lived with empty arms, most have other children that will be with them this Mother's day. But, there will still be someone missing in their celebrations...
These 8 moms and I share a bond that is so unique and so deep. Each of us will always deal with the loss of a child..mine through death and theirs through circumstance. Many of these Moms sat in a room and were told that there child would live with a disability or would face a life threatening illness. I was there too..I know the pain, the fear, the overwhelming grief.
Never do I judge the decisions they made because I know that each of them had hearts that ached in ways not everyone will understand. But I do...because my life has been enriched by listening and living alongside the birth mom's of my children. I have been blessed by them. I have learned from them. I have been there alongside of them in my own struggles...but I am the one with their most amazing children in my arms...and I now that hurts them.
I am the one that the children will present with a brightly painted picture frame...complete with a drawing of themselves and me and a pterodactyl flying overhead. I will receive the very special painted "love bug" made just for me. True, I also deal with the sleepless nights, the struggling child as they face homework that is beyond their abilities, the tantrums, the medical visits..the bone marrow transplant. What the first mom's wouldn't give to be there through the times also. I never want to forget that.
But each day, in each moment, I have been allowed, through no merit of my own to be the Mom in my shared children's lives right now. I will always be second mom, it's true. And that is okay. My roots with my children are deep and strong. There is room for the love my kids hold for that mom who carried them for nine months, who held them first. Who gave them their first kiss.
If you are the first mom to a child who is being parented by someone else, I want you to know what I see, what I feel when I look into the eyes of my precious children who have been adopted into our family. They love you..deep and true. No matter what they may have suffered, no matter what...they love you and will be thinking of you tomorrow on Mother's day too.
So, I will share this Mother's day with 8 women whom I love. Because, I have done nothing to deserve the abundant blessing that I have received through my precious children. I am so grateful and humbled by the first moms in our life. Happy Mother's Day my friends.