|When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. Isaiah 43:2|
In two short years, my sweet Isaac Robert, you have carried the burdens of someone who lived a lifetime of 80 years or more. You have suffered, struggled, been abandoned, and rejected. And you have been loved, prayed for and cherished beyond your years would tell also.
In two years, you have had four moms. One said goodbye on the day you were born. The next just a few months into your life. And then, your precious foster mom took you in...not knowing how long you may stay..but committing to loving and caring for you for as long as God called her to.
And into your second year of life, we brought you home and I became your Momma...not knowing what to expect from you and the special care that you needed. I must confess, when I heard about you for the first time, I was apprehensive about adding yet another medically complex child to our family. I figured that surely another family would come forward while we were waiting for Maisy's adoption to finalize. But God was persistent in his call on our lives...and we became a family. It seems like you have been with us forever, my sweet bobber, Isaac robber, I-rob...all the names we call you around here. You are truly a blessing and delight far beyond what we could have imagined..
What a two years it has been for you, sweet Isaac. Your birth mom made a plan that included adoption for you. And when you left the hospital after your birth, you left healthy and strong with first time adoptive parents who must have been on top of the world as they welcomed you into their arms. But then, seizures began and a high fever ensued. The herpes virus attacked your brain, sweet sunshine, and changed the course of your life profoundly. My heart aches when I imagine what it was like for these adoptive parents, as they agonized over the decision they were faced with. I can only feel their anguish and feelings of fear and insecurity...there was a time when I felt the pain of not knowing how to stop you from hurting..and I can only imagine that is how they felt when they made the decision to let you go.
You, have endured so much struggle and pain, my little one. Hours of screaming inconsolably. Hours of pain that could not be relieved. Every day, bouts of retching and vomiting. Living in a body that arches and jerks and does not allow you to find much control over your world. Even human errors that seemed to have robbed you again...medication overdoses that compounded your struggles. Your second birthday is a celebration but it is also a recognition of what you have survived...it is both heart wrenching and passionately heart warming to look back.
And yet, the joy that shines from your soul is so powerful and bright. Your smiles and laughs are equally as profound as the struggles you have faced. There are no words to describe the beauty that radiates from your eyes and your smile..you are a work of art...obviously flawed by earthly standards and yet tremendously useful to God. When I hold you and talk to you, your eyes look to me as if you have always been mine..I don't feel the loss behind your eyes, the struggles or the pain...I think God has buffered your pain. I think he has given you a gift....a gift that has allowed you to let go of the loss and just feel the warmth of those who love you. And you are surrounded by those who love you...in Minnesota, in Alabama and around the world. You have touched so many lives in your two years.
We love you Isaac Robert. We delight in the way God has seen fit to use the life he has given you. You are two years old my sweet baby boy. I can not imagine my life without you in it.
Happy Birthday, Isaac Robert..