Thursday, March 3, 2011
really mad...we had an experience today with a man just like that. This is our gotcha day for Isaac..the one year anniversary of his homecoming. We still have not finalized this adoption. He is being held, for what amounts to ransom, in my thinking. May God forgive me if I am judging this situation wrong, but from day one, I have felt uneasy about the motives of the man who holds Isaac's finalization in his hands. Greed can turn a heart that used to hear the voice of God into a heart so hardened and jaded.
Isaac has been bought and paid for..in more ways than one. We are the second adoptive family to take him home. The second adoptive family to settle upon and settle up on our financial obligation that came with this adoption. And yet, that is not enough for the man we must deal with. He wants more or he won't finalize.
It is so hard to believe that this can happen. Part of me just wants to give him what he is asking for and the other part of me wants to stand up to this man for all the other families that will find themselves in this situation...families who have not been down this road before, families who just want to bring home their baby and will sacrifice anything to do so.
Of course there is also a part of me that wants to pack the car up...with Isaac, his oxygen tanks, feeding pump, neb machine, suction machine, oximeter, and the 28 different doses of medications he needs to make it through each day and drive to the doorstep of this man and say, here you go...why not take care of him for the night, and we will talk again in the morning...I am guessing he would see things in a different light.
But, instead, I must examine my own heart. I must change the things I can...and that is me. Where is the greed, the anger, the entitlement, lurking in my heart? What attitude could lead me slowly down the path of evil, one "little" sin at a time. "Lord, create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalms 51:10...
I pray this for myself and for those who have slipped deep into sin and don't even realize it. And I pray for Isaac who is struggling with seizures now. This is his "gotcha" day...and he knows nothing of the struggles we are having with his adoption. He is home. He is loved. He amazes us every day with the joy he shares with the world. You would be in tears if you watched him sing along to the old hymns he loves. Today, he sang at the top of his lungs to "His eye is on the sparrow." I imagine that God and Isaac are closer than any of us can imagine. His eye is on the sparrow and I know he is watching me...
at 10:06 PM