When the phone rings early in the morning, I used to react with fear and dread wondering why someone would possibly be calling so early..certainly it wouldn't be good news....but since Tyler has moved to Africa, a 5:15 am phone ringing is the better than any sound I can think of. I didn't know how excited I would be to hear his voice..how relieved I would be to know that he is safe. I didn't know that a 3 minute conversation with our first born son living across the world could have such an impact on me. I had no idea what life would be like with as the Mom to an adult son. God is teaching me in ways I didn't expect.
Tyler is 20 years old now. He has traveled to more continents than I ever will in my lifetime in those 20 years. He is fearless in so many ways and dependent in so many other ways. My prayer is always that he will be dependent on the only One who will lead him where he is meant to be...that his faith will be strengthened as he makes his way in the world...through the challenges and the adventures that God has laid before him.
When Tyler calls, the memories of my little boy flood back...the serious student of the Bible, the compassionate young man who raised $400 to help pay for a well to be drilled in Zambia for his 12th birthday. His quirky sense of humor and creative and artistic talents that bring much joy to this world. I didn't let myself think of how absolutely contented I would feel to hear his voice when he calls.
The words, "I miss you" don't capture what I feel when I talk with him. I would love to see him but I don't necessarily want him to come home...I know he is right where he is suppose to be. It is time for him to create a life of his own. And each time he calls, I feel honored and loved by him, and it is a gift to me that I did not expect. I love to hear his voice..I hold on to everything he tells me about his life. It give me a link to his new world...it helps me paint a picture in my mind of his life. It makes me feel connected to his world even if it is just for a few minutes each week. It helps me to know how best to pray for him.
I don't ever want to stop learning..and I know that God will not stop teaching me all that he wants me to know. I am learning about myself and my reaction to this new role I am assuming in life...A Mom to adult children. As my role is changing, I am able to understand my own mother more...and remember her clinging to each word of the conversations she would have with my older siblings when they called. I wondered why it mattered so much to her. I did not place myself in her shoes. I didn't take the time to understand where she was coming from. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to understand this... and it makes me wish that I had called her more when she was still living.
So if your Mom is still living, give her a call!