..but I can be reassured that they are having fun.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Things at home...
..but I can be reassured that they are having fun.
Connecting soul to soul
Autism is such a mystery. I don't understand it...don't think I ever will. It can be frustrating and disheartening when my desire is to connect emotionally and spiritually with the child God has entrusted in my care. And that connection is often interrupted by something so pervasive as autism. Autism is like the covering wherein lies the child. And although, the blanket is never quite removed, their are glimpses that prove to be even more sweet and precious than any other. Moments that could have been missed...
It was 4:30 a.m. this morning, Elijah decided to wake up for the day. Despite my immediate reaction of "Please, please, please roll over and fall back asleep so I can sleep just a little longer." Instead, with a clarity in his voice not often heard, he said "Come sit by me, Mommy..come snuggle with me." Those are words a Mom loves to hear..even at 4:30 a.m. And so we snuggled..
We talked of our dreams for the future. Elijah wants to try a new potty not his "right flusher" potty in his room but one with a left flusher. Or maybe a stand up potty on level L for lobby. He reminds me that we are on level four of the hospital and that he wants to go to level p1. There is where are car is, he says. His obsession with elevators and pottys give his new world the framework it needs to help him to feel calm. When all is well with these things, life is good for him.
He talks of Toy Story 3. "You stay out of my room, Molly" he says as he repeats the lines from the movie. And we talk to his animals together...Mia, Leo and a new addition--tangerine. He loves those animals and has special conversations with them. Who knows what that talk about. But, I think they are good friends who share each others burdens. Poor Leo has an owie. He is sad. But, Mia, like Elijah, is happy. Each of his animals reflects a part of how he is feeling.
It was 4:30 a.m. this morning, Elijah decided to wake up for the day. Despite my immediate reaction of "Please, please, please roll over and fall back asleep so I can sleep just a little longer." Instead, with a clarity in his voice not often heard, he said "Come sit by me, Mommy..come snuggle with me." Those are words a Mom loves to hear..even at 4:30 a.m. And so we snuggled..
We talked of our dreams for the future. Elijah wants to try a new potty not his "right flusher" potty in his room but one with a left flusher. Or maybe a stand up potty on level L for lobby. He reminds me that we are on level four of the hospital and that he wants to go to level p1. There is where are car is, he says. His obsession with elevators and pottys give his new world the framework it needs to help him to feel calm. When all is well with these things, life is good for him.
He talks of Toy Story 3. "You stay out of my room, Molly" he says as he repeats the lines from the movie. And we talk to his animals together...Mia, Leo and a new addition--tangerine. He loves those animals and has special conversations with them. Who knows what that talk about. But, I think they are good friends who share each others burdens. Poor Leo has an owie. He is sad. But, Mia, like Elijah, is happy. Each of his animals reflects a part of how he is feeling.
What a priceless conversation Elijah and I shared. It lasted just a few minutes before he decided to watch a movie..you guessed it..Toy Story 3..as he says, "Not Toy Story 1 or 2, but 3." Elijah's dreams are of the here and now. I guess mine, these days, are too. Sometimes I dream that I will be able to carry on a non-autistic conversation with my son..but I do not want to turn a way a gift given to me like a spoiled child might. I just want to connect heart to heart with him even if very few words are shared.
This morning, our time together was a God given soul to soul talk. I love my precious son. I want him to know that my love for him pales in comparison to the love His heavenly father has for him. He is a gift. His autism is gift...although it often defies my understanding. But, aren't the most amazing things, ones that defy are understanding? That are beyond our comprehension? Like the way an airplane can fly through the air..or the way God knows everything about us..including the number of hairs on our head? The way he forgives us and teaches us and longs to connect with us soul to soul?
This morning, there was no need for profound words to be spoken between Elijah and I...because God was there to translate the message spoken within his soul... And that message was sent straight through to mine.
