I need this verse today!
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
I am losing track of what day it is. This phenonemom is typical after a week straight at the hospital. Elijah is doing great..I am beginning to wonder if they are dripping water in his veins instead of chemo. No nausea yet, no loss of hair yet, no pain yet. He has had little anxiety or discomfort. He is doing better today then he did on the day of admission. We are so grateful.
Eight days at the hospital..I have been at this point before. There is a pattern that develops. In the beginning, it is easy to stay positive. After about a week, I think I should wear a sticker saying "day 8." About this time, the room looks smaller, the food tastes worse, and, while I am thankful for the hospital staff, I wish they could just go away for awhile. You guessed it, I am in the crabby phase of a long hospital stay. And I am sure every one will be glad when this phase passes.
I have been waiting for 8 days for the correct lotion and syringes to be sent up from the hospital pharmacy. There is a great communication board in the room which is meant to facilitate communication between the team. I write my questions and comments on it. No one has looked at it since we were admitted. These are just annoyances..the care has been excellent. but these are the kinds of things that start bugging you on day 8.
Elijah is now watching Toy Story 3 in Spanish ("Espanol," he says) over and over. At least he should be bilingual by the time the transplant is over. I may have contracted a case of acquired autism after listening to him repeat everything that is said to him.
As Mom to a bazillion kids, I have learned that our familiy functions on organization. It is within the organization that allows us to be flexible. I need to know who needs to be where and how they are going to get there. I need to have things written down, so that I can relax and feel confident that the important things are getting done. I can manage alot of this from the hospital and Mark can do much of it at home. But, after a week or so, I just feel the need to step foot at home to be assured that everything is in fact getting done. Mark is blessed with the ability to manage a lot of uncertainty and changes in our schedule. I am trying to work something out so that I can go home and get some things done there... So that I can breathe easier. I think that would do wonders for my currentfoggy state of mind.
...And I miss my babies.
There is little room here at the hospital for self pity. Because down the hallway, are families that have been here for six months. Fsmilies from all over the Country that are seperated from their support communities and in an unfamiliar place. There are families whose child is clinging to life..and there are families who will leave this place without their precious child. So, I think I'll just get over my crabbiness and focus on the incredible blessings I have been given. I will envision this room enveloped in the steadfast love of God. And within that steadfast love, there is no room for grumbling or complaining...
