In an attempt to shorten up my blog posts, I seem to have created lots of questions. My last post was about denial. But, I didn't mention what it was I find myself in the state of denial about! Here it is...my FAS'ers. We have 5 children who have a diagnosis under the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) umbrella. When the kids are doing well, I start to doubt their diagnosis. I don't know why...
Sometimes, I just wish it weren't true. I don't want to face the future knowing what struggles lay ahead for my kids. I don't want to think about putting my daughter on birth control when I want to believe that she will be able to make good choices regarding purity. I know she has the desire to make the right choices, but I also have to remember she may not have the ability to use wise judgment when she finds herself in compromising situations.
And when I look at my son who is doing really well now...I forget the huge issues that he just worked through only a few months ago...I forget that he is doing well because we have carefully structured his environment for safety and survival. He hasn't necessarily changed...his environment has. And I forget that there could be so much going on that I may not even be aware of. With little impulse control, lack of social skills, heightened sexual impulses, immature thinking and limited ability to use problem solving skills, I expect that there are situations that will come to our attention at any time. It is the nature of living with a child with FASD. Life is going along just fine, until the phone rings...and it is the teacher, the neighbor, the police, or the mother of another child...
I am hopeful that my children will mature and gain life skills. I believe they will. But, I also must remind myself that they have damage to their brains that will not go away. It's permanent. They will not grow out of their diagnosis. Their potential has been limited by their inutero exposure to alcohol. And that is why I find myself seeking refuge in denial..and I think I have seen some of you hanging out there alongside of me!
