Hurting heart...

I am broken.  I am hurting. I am lost. Something happened that upset my world in a big way. It was nothing to do with the kids. It was nothing to do with life or death issues. I felt betrayed by a group of friends that I thought were going to be in my life forever. I really did. I love each one of them so dearly. But, they didn’t have the same feelings. Ouch. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I think I have cried more today than I have in years…many years.

And then today, I faced challenges with the kids...suspensions again, frustrated teachers calling..again, kids making bad choices of friends…again. Stuff I can and do handle every day. But, today, I felt like I had to face it alone.  And that hurt bad..really, really bad. I felt so defeated..so alone.

And then I was reminded that God has a purpose for everything he gives to us…even this.  It reminded me that I often run to my friends first instead of running into the arms of my comforter, my love…Jesus Christ. I longed to be able to have a friend by my side...but I knew needed to face this head on…and so I prayed…and cried some more.  And even though the pain is so raw, He touched my heart.

And the ache is still there. Betrayal hurts. And I know that if anyone knows what it is like to be betrayed by a friend, it is Jesus. With each struggle, with each challenge, with each hurt…I am learning more about the love that Jesus Christ has for each of us. I am learning to run to Him…and I will trust that for those who are called according to his purposes, God will work things together for good.

I wish the pain would just go away…but I wish to deepen my relationship with Christ more. And I will trust him as he leads me through this valley…

(3/14/12 note: This post was intended to be about me and my own feelings..it was not to place blame or trash my friends...as I said...I love these amazing friends deeply and I don't think they were intentionally trying  to hurt me. They are great people...I was just sharing my struggles at handling the good and the bad days of life.....)