Getting out the door with a child who doesn't walk is an event in itself. Never having the chance to hear your child's voice, to listen to their hopes and dreams is heart wrenching. And unless you have experienced this first hand, you most likely don't realize all that goes into everyday activities. And then add medical issues, medications, gtube feedings, and life seems nothing like what it once was. Not only the physical toll but the emotional aspects can overwhelm even the parent who "knew what they were getting into." And sometimes, when you are caring for a profoundly disabled child, you can begin to feel like you have the market on grief and struggle..that somehow, no one elses pain is quite like your own.
The next adoption we entered into was very different... a bright light of sunshine with an intense personality came into our lives..and in comparison to Aaron and McKenna's intense needs, she seemed pretty easy. As she grew, her FASD challenged us beyond anything that we had imagined. And while her struggles introduced us to a whole new world of "hidden disability...we did not fully realize how similar all disability was.
Now, years later, I have changed what my perception is of a "special needs" adoption. I think any child who is need of a home has special needs...especially those who have entered the world of adoption through the foster care system. They each experience loss at some level and each of our children have been affected by physical, mental and emotional disabilities... It has been a humbling experience..one of realization and soul searching...my stubborn arrogance took up space in my heart that should have been filled with compassion for those raising children with "hidden" disabilities..
It's tough to raise a child with a profound disability. It's feels impossible at times. But, I have learned, the emotional aspects of raising a child with a hidden disability...FASD and its cousins...the loneliness, grief, isolation and struggle that a parent goes through is just as tough..and often times, it is filled with even greater struggles. The emotional and spiritual drain and isolation takes a toll on parents. And, just as our kids who have disabilities are more "alike" than "different" than their peers..so too it is with us parents who are raising children with special needs. Coming together and supporting and loving each other regardless of the disability strengthens all of us. Division and separation does not serve anyone well....
One by one each of our children have taught us so much about life..about unconditional love and about the hidden blessings in disability. I have learned so much about suffering and servitude, I have learned so much about humility and faith. I would not want life any other way...It is my honor to serve my kids as they face the challenges they have been given.
So, I no longer waste time measuring the sacrifice, the suffering of others compared to mine. I just want to give fully to the kids I have been given and support others who have found themselves in the world of special needs adoption..whether they knew they were entering it when they began this journey or not. ...Instead, I want to count the blessings, measure the gifts of grace and give thanks for the amazing friends I have been given on this journey...
...friends who accept and pray for each one of us in our family, are slow to judge, quick to forgive and share the joys in this journey. The friends I have been given cry with me, celebrate with me and laugh with me as we muddle through this life we have been given...as we seek to not waste a minute of it. I am pretty sure I have the most amazing bunch of friends a person could have...and it was our children that helped us find each other along the way...
